I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
