He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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