Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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