I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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