how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
