grandma shit on top of the toilet
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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