That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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