we have pet lesbian snakes
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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