No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I think I have vodka in my lungs
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
My breasts were aching with rage.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
