Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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