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a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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