Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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