Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
