I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
you never un-have a 4some
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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