Where did you get a picture of my penis
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
