don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
