She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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