Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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