and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Randomize
