Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Randomize
