just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
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