have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
