literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
