I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
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