By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
