Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
