ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
She's the barista slut.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Randomize
