help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Couch. On fire.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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