New low: just hacked my moms facebook
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Randomize
