Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
