I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
