I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
