90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
