I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
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