Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
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