I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
