i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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