Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Actions speak louder than pants.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize