My boss' voice literally gives me gas
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
