My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
