My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I did not marry a roomba.
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