just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I have tasted many bathrooms
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
