Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
