are you so shy because you have an std?
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
