Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
