Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
