Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
