It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
