It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
