I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
