he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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