I just pynch a tree in the face
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
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