there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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