I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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