Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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