She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
