I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
