Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
