I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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