guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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