After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Randomize
