Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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