i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
