Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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