and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
