I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
