So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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