im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
