I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
