im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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