but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
