PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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